Rasa Cintaku Ibarat Virus Corona

Saat ini bulan April 2020, seiring virus corona gencar-gencarnya mengintai dan menghatam tubuh dan psikis masyarakat. Akupun cemas. Terkadang berhalusinasi tidak karuan. Meskipun sudah ada  himbawan penguasa negeri untuk tetap tenang dan berdiam diri dirumah agar aman.

Khayalku bukan kecemasan atau ketakutan akan kematian karena virus corona. Melainkan asa cinta larangan yang tak tahu mengapa terjadi dan harus diapakan. Rasa cinta itu sangat kuat, terkadang menyesakan dada. Ingin rasanya aku terabas akar, lalang yang menghadang, meskipun aku tahu itu mustahil dilakukan.

Aku sadar, akar dan lalang itu tak dapat aku terabas. Karena itu memasuki hutan larangan. Meskipun nekad keinginan itu wujudkan, akupun tak punya alat untuk membabat itu semua.  Inilah yang terjadi pada cintaku. Aku dilanda  rasa cinta pada Sehati, gadis  Dusun Raja Larangan yang masih milik orang lain.  Sama pada diriku juga masih milik orang lain.  Tapi harus  bagaimana lagi, ini soal rasa cinta. Soal misterius problem yang hingga jutaan tahun umur dunia ini, belum juga mendapat jawaban akan kemisteriusan akan rasa cinta itu.

“Apakah aku nafsu?  Rasanya tidak juga. Aku hanya inginkan Sehati dan hanya Sehati”. Ungkapan itu acap kali di khayalku.  Bukannya tak ku coba untuk mencari jawaban, kenapa rasa cintaku ke Sehati itu harus ada. Bukankah kembang tidak setangkai? Renunganku hingga musim virus corona kian melanda Negeri Bengkulu  ini, belum juga menemukan solusi dan konklusi.

Akhir-akhir ini aku sempat tertawa sendiri  dalam hati, kenapa hantaman rasa cintaku pada Sehati ini mirip dengan dampak virus corona. Soal ini aku ceritakan pada Bedi  temanku. Bukannya malah simpati, tapi tawaan terbahak-bahak yang kuterima saat Bedi yang bertandang pagi ini kerumahku, mendengar cerita soal rasa cinta mirip dengan dampak virus corona saat ini.

Aku yakin tak ada maksud dari temanku Bedi mengejek. “Ada-ada saja kamu ini Bro. Masa rasa cinta pubertas kedua Bro ini mirip virus corona? Kalau itu benar, Bro bisa di lockdown”, katanya sembari tertawa terbahak-bahak. Hampir tumpah secangkir kopi hitam diatas meja berenda rumah karena kegeliannya.

“Sumpahlah Bed. Itulah yang kupikirkan, setelah aku hubung-hubungkan antara kisah cintaku dengan kondisi yang menerpa saat ini”, jelasku sembari memandangi potret Sehati yang lagi sumringah menggoda.

“Gimanatu  persamaannya?”

“Coba kamu fikir Bed. Aku setiap hari dalam benakku terlintas nama Sehati. Sementara aku tak bisa berbuat apa-apa, karena rasa cinta itu terbentur halangan dan larangan. Rasa cinta itu terus saja mengarungi fikiranku disetiap waktu. Sedangkan solusi hingga kini belum aku temui, selain diam, bertahan dan tahankan entah sampai kapan”.

Curahan hatiku pada Bedi membuatnya kembali ketawa sambil berkata, “Ini konyol……..Ini konyol. Sehati itukan milik orang lain. Bro mencitainya tanpa sebab musabab. Ini merupakan irrasional yang memerlukan kajian khusus Bro”.

Perbincangan mendadak berhenti, saat melihat isteriku pulang dari pasar bersama kedua putriku. Berkilah, kamipun pura-pura bercakap soal bisnis tempuyak, sebagai makanan khas Bengkulu yang belum di boomingkan oleh pemerintah daerah.

“Ibarat pepatah anak muda zaman dahulu Bed, tempuyak dari Bengkulu. Celana koyak tampak bulu”, sembari kami tertawa menghilangkan kecurigaan isteri yang tampak sumringah masuk kedalam rumah.

Jumpa  Profesor Filsafat

Hari sudah menjelang pukul 09.34 WIB. Sembari senyum Bedi mengingatkanku untuk segera berkemas, untuk menemui seorang Profesor Filsafat, dosen  saat masih kuliah dahulu, yang baru tiba dari Jakarta.

Sebenarnya dalam keadaan jiwa galau karena cinta akan Sehati, wanita dari Dusun Raja Larangan yang belum tahu solusinya itu, aku enggan keluar rumah. Namun karena mantan dosen,  berdiri tegak dan kami segera berangkat menempuh 4 jam perjalanan dari Kota Bengkulu, menuju arah utara.

Dalam perjalanan, kisah cintaku dengan Sehati kembali kubahas.  Bedi hanya menanggapi dengan tersenyum. Dia hanya berharap aku segera melupakan rasa cinta larangan itu. Karena itu sulit dan tidak mungkin terwujud. Apalagi  kisah cinta itu tidak jelas, diluar kesadaran.

“Kitakan sudah sama-sama pengalaman soal rasa cinta Bro”.

“Tapikan tidak ada yang tidak mungkin di dunia ini Bed! Semua kisah yang ada itu mungkin adanya”, jawabku ala berfilsafat.

“O ya…..Betul itu”, tegur Bedi sembari menyetir mobil. “Apakah Bro lupa dengan kata Bro dulu. Kan Bro pernah bilang, bila ingin tahu indahnya cinta, jangan diakhiri ia dengan perkawinan”.

“La itu konteksnya beda. Kalau sama Sehati ini aku serius dan akan kuduakan Bed”, celetukku, sembari menujuk kiri jalan, tempat profesor itu menginap.

Pertemuan kami dengan kerinduan. Panjang lebar kami bernostalgia saat masih kuliah dulu. Hingga akhirnya gayung bersambut, kisahpun bersahut. Cerita cintaku mendapat sedikit pencerahan.   Profesor tua itupun sebelum berpisah, sempat memberikan paparan kajian ilmunya, seperti kebiasaanya saat dulu dibangku kuliah. Kami sembari melongo tapi serius mendengarkannya.

Profesor yang anti kopi, teh dan rokok itu sempat bertanya, apakah kami mengerti dan percaya pada hubungan sebenarnya?

Spontan bareng kami menjawab, “Belum paham maksud Prof”.

:Yang saya maksud kata Prof,  kesimpulan tentang hubungan sebab akibat, yang disandarkan pada pilihan atau asumsi-asumsi diluar metode ilmiah”.

Jidat kami mulai berkerut. Ingin permisi balik, takut kualat. Enggak sopan memutuskan pembicaraan saat guru sedang bicara. Angguk-anggukan saja kepala membuat suasana tetap sopan.

Dengan gaya tangan terangkat, Profesor Filsafat itu bilang, Itu semua salah satu cara berbeda untuk mendapatkan suatu kesimpulan yang berbeda dalam hal yang bertentangan.

Mendengar prolog awal, pikiranku terusik dan mencoba menghubungkan dengan kisah rasa cintaku dengan Sehati yang bertepuk sebelah tangan. Aku mencintai Sehati, sedangkan Sehati sendiri tak pernah merasakan, apalagi tahu akan adanya rasa cinta itu.

Orang mungkin percaya pada sesuatu karena pengaruh intuisi. Mengurangi banyak alternatif yang masuk akal. Tidak ingin mengakui yang terjadi karena sebab akibat.  Untuk menyikapi ini agar dapat dimengerti, haruslah konsepsi tentang realitasnya harus cocok.

Penjelasan lebih lanjut terhenti saat Adzan Asyar berkumandang. Kamipun menghaturkan permisi sembari mengucapkan selamat jalan pada Profesor dan berharap suatu saat dapat bertemu kembali.

“Aku sudah ketemu jawabannya”,  teriakku yang membuat Bedi kaget.

“Ah gila kamu Bro……Bikin kaget aja”.

Kuceritakan kesimpulanku berdasarkan hal yang tak masuk akal,   seperti ungkap Profesor Filsafat tadi.  Aku ketemu jawabannya, kenapa aku punya rasa cinta pada Sehati? Itu karena terpesona akan getaran suaranya, cara berfikirnya dan sikapnya selama beberapa kali pertemuan. Itulah kenapa diriku jatuh rasa cinta, yang bukan berlandaskan nafsu belaka.

“Pertanyaannya, lantas setelah Bro tahu, terus mau apa dengan kerisauan yang Bro alami ini?” Tanya Bedi.

“Karena aku sudah tahu, maka aku tahu apa yang aku mau. Karena ada larangan yang menghadang, sementara kemampuan untuk itu tak mungkin dilampaui, maka jawabannya  tahankan perasaan ini sebaik-baiknya, sembari menanti takdir, bila memang ada saatnya tiba”.

Bedi tampak menggeleng-gelengkan kepalanya. Namun kali ini ia tak berkomentar banyak. “Rasa cinta menimbulkan lamunan. Dalam lamunan akan terlitas nafsu. Lantas kemanakah nafsumu pada Sehati itu harus labuhkan Bro?”

“Kan ada orang rumah”, kataku.

“Nah…..Itulah namanya  berselingkuh di dalam khayal sembari berharap takdir menjelang. Bila perselingkuhan khayal itu terkuak sama orang rumah, maka dampaknya memang persis dampak dari virus corona. Bila pertahanan  tubuh kuat, maka kamu akan hidup. Bila tidak, maka kematian cepat menjelang”, celetuk Bedi sembari bercanda.

Kata-kata Bedi membuat aku  terhenyak dan diam. Tapi karena mengunakan analoginya  virus corona, maka agar tak terkuak sama orang rumah, kan ada disinfektan. Bila terjangkit, kan bisa berobat intensif. Bila tak sembuh dan harus mati, itu namanya takdir. Soalnya rasa cinta itu datang sendiri dan terus berkecamuk di dalan hati.

“Bed, menurut kamu bila aku rindu dan terus memikirkan Sehati itu, apakah ada kontak bathin dengan dia?”

“Bisa Bro, bila Bro dan Sehati  sama sama menguasai ilmu telepati”.

Aku terdiam hingga tiba dipintu gerbang rumah. Kamipun berpisah pulang kerumah.

  • Cerpenis tingal di Bengkulu kota
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